Simon, the one-eyed bandit

"Hi, my name is Simon, and after long years of being a bachelor, I have finally found a girl-friend. Her name is Dandi (actually, Dandelion, but she is much too sassy for that gentle name), and she is the chinchilla-colored one in our playtunnel. I´m, of course, the handsome one in front, with the stern look. I don´t approve of being approached too closely by humans - unless they have treaties, of course.
Some four years ago, I came to Heartland, and Momma Jeannie took real good care of me. I felt safe there after I had been abandoned in the wild and had to fend for myself. I probably wouldn´t have survived if I hadn´t followed some cat to its house (yes, I know I´m pretty smart!). Like I said, I had a good life at Heartland, but still missed running around all the time, and my eye (or what was left of it) kept bothering me a little. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself on some gleaming white table and when I woke up, I was robbed of my manhood!! How dare they! Jeannie said, though, that now I could have a girl-friend, and I moved to Lawton to my new parents. I had the time of my life there... until I met my "girl-friend," Briseis. Boy, she was mean to me, chased me all over the place and tried to rip me apart. I was sooo scared, and my new momma lost her nerve and ended the short-term "relationship." But there was another girl in the house - Dandi. Momma seemed reluctant to have me meet her; I heard her say she was very grumpy and very bossy. Uh-oh. Keeping that in mind and already traumatized by the encounter with Briseis, I kept running for my life everytime I just caught a glimpse of Dandi. But - surprise- she turned out to be so sweet and patient, and soon I couldn´t resist her and slowly, very slowly started talking to her. Now I have a great girl-friend who is looking out for me and grooming me. What? I should groom her, too? Nahhh, I rather sit here and play macho bunny ... it can´t get much better than this."